As I Looked Back

A while ago I added a post about community residences.  I did not come off as being in favor of this type of program.  Now as I look back I can see my view was clouded by depression.  Now I am in a depressive state again and have to admit that I was feeling a little sorry for myself and a little angry with the system and myself.  Right now I am grateful for this housing, it gave me a chance to start again.  My life was in shambles, I did not know where I was going and so went nowhere.  My life consisted of where my next cigarette and cup of coffee was coming from and I was involved with people who had no goals in life and no hopes for a better life.  Now I can see although I was living in the outside world it was not a place for constructive growth.  The house was inhabited by women who had mental health issues but were not supervised or encouraged to become more productive. Making the transition into supported housing was not easy and I find that even now I am irritated by the Casemanager's questions and involvement in my life.  It is not easy having to share your goals and problems with someone when you are used to being independent but sometimes the second opinion does help with life's daily problems such as interaction with my peers in this housing program.  I find that it is more difficult dealing with my peers even being accepted by them is a daily journey and the intervention of the Casemanager proves to be an easier way to go than trying to deal with these women on my own. Living in supported housing may work for some people, the security that you have that there is help on the other end of the phone line if you have a crisis is misleading, they are there to assist in your life.  Many people need the reassurance that a Casemanager can give but for me I have lived on my own and was successful for many years and find that I resent the offer of a helping hand when I can do it myself. As I was told on a job assistance program if you are looking for a helping hand look at the end of your right sleeve and I live by those rules.  Life in supported housing may seem appealing, when you are in a crisis situation there sometimes may not be another option but forme I consider it just that a crisis situation. 

This has become a long way to the right decision for me I find that I am improving and cultivating my social skills which had become impaired by this disorder and the isolation which I experienced when I was living my old life.  I am relearning how to deal with other people in my environment and although my goal is to live independently I will need these skills in the future.
I do not agree with everything this type of housing offers and if I had to make the choice again I would not have chosen to be in supported housing but it does offer a respite from the trials of life and gives you an option in your housing goals.  For some this is an answer to a dream and I say to them go for it but for me I find the restrictions and supervision to be too stringent and I miss the decision making that I have to do in independent housing. I am looking forward to returning to the life I led and am confident that I will be able to continue living independently for the rest of the time I am given.