Spirals of Life bywena

Monday, March 24, 2025

my life now

it has been years since I posted. I have made a nice life for the past years. I have made a life for myself in a community of seniors I love it. It looks like a park hundreds of trees, so many animals birds ,geese, deer, turkeys thrive here.

My bipolar disorder is still the same still not stable and probably ill never be, my original doctor told me but I have learned to live with and try to control the best I can.

New meds to stabilize mood are not coming so we have to hope and wait or accepte. But my talents have soar. I craft day and night really because of the high which is worse but I am having fun.

I read online that we have more depressive episodes as we age but mine are different I have more manic episodes. I also read that we don't live as long as average people and I feel like a dark cloud over my head sometimes, but it is a part of life so there it is.

I am signing off for now. so have a day full of blessings and try to keep a stepping. Hope to see you again.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

crafting mania

Well been a while again but i have to write about this, I have had back to back episodes of mania for 3 years almost. This was an over preoccupation with crafts. Seems innocent enough being production keeping busy being creative, that is what they tell you to do. But this turned to mania and along with it the drive to create and I kept all of the things i made the apt was full crowded and full the walls floors I could not clean around it and did not even try but we had inspection and again it came to the point of almost losing everything I have worked for accomplished almost lost. But I looked around and saw all the signs of a manic episode the money spent thousands the accumulation of stuff smacked me in the face and i was scared. I have not called the doctor but i plan on telling them. Now i stop 11 pm i go to bed and end the cycle. I had to almost hit bottom again before i could see and stop. I have not been eating or sleeping so I stop take inventory of what i have been doing for the day and do what i have to do to live.

just thought I would keep you updated a weird mania

Monday, June 4, 2018

Update on My Life

It has been a long time since i have written in these blogs.
everybody must think I died.

Not the case I have been living. Living a life that I thought I would but never had the chance. When I first went on disability I thought I would spend my days crafting and going to school. That did not work out so I did crafts read studied did various things to keep me occupied but now I spend my days crafting I have decided to start writing again keeping a journal and I joined online therapy.
I had my first session last night. I was lonely tired and bored so I went online and hooked up with a listener. He was a little slow and asked me statistics name place age and I went along so finally he said do you want to do my exclusive 6 minute throw up I said why not. Ha it was 6 minutes of typing no backspace about whatever you wanted to throw up. That was the most brilliant idea that he could have had. I loved it I typed about y past with the bipolar mental illness the shelter the housing I found myself in and the problems I had while in this situation. He was impressed cal;led me a champion for going through all that alone, That was all I needed to lift me out of my mood I felt 100% better he was motivated and excited we chatted a little more and I signed off but I am following him he said we could schedule sessions and talk I plan on doing it. Who would think 6 minutes could make such a difference I feel motivated and energized but also tired dredging up old emotions and memories but it was good I purged and that is all that matters a place to throw up my emotions without fear of something happening beyond my control. I am in my own apt my own computer I can sign off whenever and noting will happen I feel it is a safe place and there are others to chat with there are exercises and tips on controlling and understanding yourself and then there is the LISTENER Excellent I recommend it to anyone it is 7 cups if you are interested. I urge you to try it it is not traditional therapy which I tried and failed at but am willing to try again in near future with one on one face to face that is the next step.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

In a Mood

Life is too easy I am in a mood. I need a cause, Things are going good God is looking after me and Life is too easy everything I want or need is being taken care of Why Do I feel this way I am not unhappy I am happy yet something is missing.
Why am I so restless and uneasy My moodswings are doming fine I am not depressed or too high yet I feel something is missing.

For the past 2 years everything with the crafts everything I try to learn I am able to learn with no problem I am creative and active healthy and alive yet now something is missing.

There are no fights arguments or upheavals in my life yet the trials and tribulations are missing no fighting for my rights I feel lost These blogs are one thing that I have let go I am not writing or doing my languages maybe I need to go back to the past to become more of what I need to be i n the future I want to work that is the biggest part of my past life that is missing.

I need to be productive I need more than what God is giving me and he is giving me the best part of life than I could ever ask for peace all my needs I cannot ask for more a million dollars would help but I have what I need and life is good good people around me everything I want to eat drink good health what am I missing I do not m now but without being a bitch and fighting for something I cannot not exist in this world I have what I need and want but I am not satisfied
WHAT NOW GOD????

Friday, January 20, 2017

A New Way of Living

Well now I have a new way of living. Living with my "gifts" of being Bipolar and my "curses".

I try to do some sort of craft everyday. Most of the time the drives take over anyway so I do crafts everyday, every night and every minute in between. My crafts club is on Tues o n Sunday my mood swings up high I do not know if this is because of the my new life or my moodswings have just changed so much They are now every other day so I swing up and down drastically. This wa a problem until I focused and realized that this was happening and they are even more rapid and precise they are very very regular so I pass from one pole to the other. My moodswings are not so drastic in intensity I am rarely suicidal badly depressed stay in bed barely moving but I do not attempt to take my life anymore so this is a blessing. But the drives are intense but predictable so I am learning when they will become a problem I cqan control most of the money spending even with unlimited online access to stores amd I have reduced coffee and soda consumption along with the increased sugar I had started so physically I am healthier. My Psoriasis is under control for the most part I find that inclement weather rain, snow and storms trigger activity in the symptoms but am learning to "taalk: my way out of a bad flareup.

So I am learning to live my new life and adjusting to the problems of Life and Living and I think I am doing a very good job of it. I am happier than I have been in so many years that I cannot remember what it was like during the bad times. Life has its ups and downs still without my moodswings and the highs and nlows and the ones in life I would be lost.

This is my life and I am loving it

Friday, January 6, 2017

An Artistic Stream of Ideas New Group

For all those crafters and or craft lovers here is my new facebook page group We are small 3 members buit there are followers who connect with all sorts of creative endevors so we have a diversified audience come look read learn teach whatever you may want to comm,ent on like share all are welcome This is a public groupd so anyone can join I needall the information that I can get about all the arts as the name says so if you are looking for a new project tips and ideas for old ones come and join us Here is a sample of posts

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1354766541221625/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

Wena Indlovu shared a link.

1 hr

A lot of good ideas here

50+ Awesome DIY Image Transfer Projects

Transferring photos onto just about any surface such as wood, metal, glass, terra cotta and even fabric has become a popular craft projects. It is a pretty cool and cheap way to get your favorite p...

IDEASTAND.COM|BY IDEA STAND

Wena Indlovu

1 hr

Using markers and frosted effect paint on transparent sheets which you cut into shapes can be made to look like etched glass and stained glass embellishments Looks pretty good something different to try

OLDER

Wena Indlovu

16 hrs

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