crafting mania

Well been a while again but i have to write about this, I have had back to back episodes of mania for 3 years almost.  This was an over preoccupation with crafts. Seems innocent enough being production keeping busy being creative, that is what they tell you to do. But this turned to mania and along with it the drive to create and I kept all of the things i made the apt was full crowded and full the walls floors I could not clean around it and did not even try but we had inspection and again it came to the point of almost losing everything I have worked for accomplished almost lost. But I looked around and saw all the signs of a manic episode the money spent thousands the accumulation of stuff smacked me in the face and i was scared. I have not called the doctor but i plan on telling them. Now i stop 11 pm i go to bed and end the cycle. I had to almost hit bottom again before i could see and stop. I have not been eating or sleeping so I stop take inventory of what i have been doing for the day and do what i have to do to live.

just thought I would keep you updated a weird mania

Update on My Life

It has been a long time since i have written in these blogs.
everybody must think I died.

Not the case I have been living. Living a life that I thought I would but never had the chance. When I first went on disability I thought I would spend my days crafting and going to school. That did not work out so I did crafts read studied did various things to keep me occupied but now I spend my days crafting I have decided to start writing again keeping a journal and I joined  online therapy.
I had my first session last night. I was lonely tired and bored so I went online and hooked up with a listener. He was a little slow and asked me statistics name place age and I went along so finally he said do you want to do my exclusive 6 minute throw up I said why not. Ha it was 6 minutes of typing no backspace about whatever you wanted to throw up. That was the most brilliant idea that he could have had. I loved it I typed about  y past with the bipolar mental illness the shelter the housing I found myself in and the problems I had while in this situation. He was impressed cal;led me a champion for going through all that alone, That was all I needed to lift me out of my mood I felt 100% better he was motivated and excited we chatted a little more and I signed off but I am following him he said we could schedule sessions and talk I plan on doing it. Who would think 6 minutes could make such a difference I feel motivated and energized but also tired dredging up old emotions and memories but it was good I purged and that is all that matters a place to throw up my emotions without fear of something happening beyond my control. I am in my own apt my own computer I can sign off whenever and noting will happen I feel it is a safe place and there are others to chat with there are exercises and tips on controlling and understanding yourself and then there is the LISTENER Excellent I recommend it to anyone it is 7 cups if you are interested. I urge you to try it it is not traditional therapy which I tried and failed at but am willing to try again in near future with one on one face to face that is the next step.

In a Mood

Life is too easy I am in a mood. I need a cause, Things are going good God is looking after me and Life is too easy everything I want or need is being taken care of Why Do I feel this way I am not unhappy I am happy yet something is missing.
Why am I so restless and uneasy My moodswings are doming fine I am not depressed or too high yet I feel something is missing.

For the past 2 years everything with the crafts everything I try to learn I am able to learn with no problem I am creative and active healthy and alive yet now something is missing.

There are no fights arguments or upheavals in my life yet the trials and tribulations are missing no fighting for my rights I feel lost These blogs are one thing that I have let go I am not writing or doing my languages maybe I need to go back to the past to become more of what I need to be i n the future I want to work that is the biggest part of my past life that is missing.

I need to be productive I need more than what God is giving me and he is giving me the best part of life than I could ever ask for peace all my needs I cannot ask for more a million dollars would help but I have what I need and life is good good people around me everything I want to eat drink good health what am I missing I do not m now but without being a bitch and fighting for something I cannot not exist in  this world I have what I need and want but I am not satisfied
WHAT NOW GOD????

Voices from the Past

HI

Been a while. I was just fooling around on the computer and ran across an old site which has closed sadly it was interesting but anyway I found an article o  Bipolar Disorder a question Here it is, it has a comment that is in reference to these blogs which is why I am writing this now and a very big complement

It caused 

I Have Bipolar Disorder But Still Live Life

☺really ?? How Does Bipolar Disorder Stop You From Living ? 

please Id love any comments or messages talking about how bipolar disorder changed your life and what you noticed was different thank you for any comments

PRETTYGIRLHATESTHEWORLD 18-21, F3 Responses Dec 5, 2010

so much of my life to change. It caused ME to change. I miss being able to just be myself and not have to worry about triggers or medications, etc. I miss who I was before this happened, when I developed the anxiety and had to be a slave to medications that have horrible side effects. I miss being able to be social without having panic attacks all the time. I miss being upbeat and optimistic about life and not having to deal with some ****** disease. That's just me, but I also sound like I might be in a depressive phase. Thank you for this post it is a good point to ask how this might change your life, when it really shouldn't change you. We're still people and we are just as capable as everyone else - I strongly believe that. I also believe we were just given an extra challenge that "god/source/etc" thinks we can get through. Life isn't all that bad. We just have to work on ourselves and stay positive. :)

moleculeus22-25, FDec 19, 2013

How do you know you have it good question? I have always had it but was treated for clinical depression for many years. I'm 58, I was diagnosed with bi-polar when I was 40. I've struggled all my life. The last couple of years I have been in a counselling program that treated my borderline personality disorder it also helped with my bi-polar disorder. I only went to the doctor when I was depressed. The anti-depressants I was given probably contributed the high mania episodes. I have bi-polar one the worst form of bi-polar. Would you believe you probably won't know when the bi-polar is speaking and not you. The symptoms are definitely not condusive to self awareness. Then with most of us there is some form of denial. Up until recently I just cycled and cycled and wasn't able to function effectively at all. It would take a book to tell you about bi-polar but there is a lady who blogs about it and is very informative. Her blog address is (lovetohatebywena.blogspot.com.) I just read 7 of her entries and she is right on with her information you'll love her.

rubyetuesday61-65, FJan 30, 20121 

Thankyou:]

PRETTYGIRLHATESTHEWORLD18-21, FJan 30, 20121 

Hi, I'll bet your world is turned upside down right now. But it may be a relief to find out why you have the mood swings you have. Dealing with bi-polar is an attitude. The most difficult task is to trust the people who support you, doctors, counsellors and yourself. You are doing a great job of starting out by asking questions. If there is anything I can do please let me know. I have lived with bi-polar my whole life.

rubyetuesday61-65, FJan 27, 20121 

Really how do you know you have it??when is it the bipolar speaking and not you?? lol and how old are you now how it changed the way you are now lol please get back to me messege me or reply back here thankyou:]

PRETTYGIRLHATESTHEWORLD18-21, FJan 28, 2012

Current Life Event

Wow It has been a while
\
I am overwhelmed by all the things that have happened since I last posted.  For one I moved Finally I am out of supported housing but am sill in subsidized but have  my own apartment and am living independently fully again.

I am in my old town not the village itself but close enough to walk to.  Everything I need is close except for the doctor but cannot have everything it is close enough

I am on my own living life the way I wanted and needed No more housemates casemanagers or  organizations to answer to

I do what when if I want to and am  getting back to being my old self Life is good BUT the stress of the move was great and I had a hard time for a few weeks suffered from depression and a bad manic episode but it is evening out more rapid than usual every could of days but  more manageable lately

I am having issues with keeping my doctor appts I do not I have not been since Feb and need meds I keep having flareups with the psoriasis when I have an appt very very bad The last time my skin felt like plastic and was blistered I thought it was a side effect of the Lamictal and was ready to go to the Hospital but waited and when I canceled my appt for the next day it subsided

It is improved but still is bothering me I dislike my new doctor and do not feel that he has any interest in me or my care at all This is a  problem since my money SS comes with the condition that I see a doctor and take meds

I have to come to grips with this and keep my next appt in May I do not know how but it is what I have to do now

Many people have this problem and there is no simple answer I guess These are things that should be addressed in therapy but since I do not do therapy I have to deal with it myself And I will the way I do everything else   Try and overcome

Understanding Different Mental Disorders

I have to confess that although I am bipolar with my own mental disorder I am lost when it comes to understanding other people with a different disorder.

 Today we had a flood in the basement and it was found by a person with panic disorder. The panic episode became overwhelming to both of us. I did not understand why the screaming and hysterical behavior was part of her disorder. As I was trying to get emergency help the screaming became directed at me and I was totally lost for an understanding of what she was going through.

I have to say I do not understand much even though I writing about different disorders. This has shown  me that I can not make people understand what I experience with my mood swings.

And so I have made a new resolution to not to not explain to others what I actually go through and trying to make them understand or for any empathy as to what I am going through during my episodes

I can not ask for help from others and have to control my symptoms the only thing that I can do. I can not control the disorder and so have to deal with the symptoms the best that I can.

Understanding mental disorders are difficult for me as it is for someone who does not have one.
And that is true of most people that is the differences in mental disorders.

You are never too old to learn the different mental disorders and today made me realize that I can not.

Sharing Your Diagnoisis

I had decided to share my bipolar disorder to my close family members and organization that houses me and now I find that it was a mistake. Sharing information is only frustrating "normal" people are just unable to understand the complexities of bipolar disorder. Too often I hear " a lot of people have insomnia" or " your do not need as much sleep as you get older" or  " everyone feels depressed sometimes" These comments are beginning to effect my moodswings even more making life more difficult than it should be.

Some people are just uncomfortable with the idea of having a mental disorder and I do not feel the need to tell all of my diagnosis ie. psychosis, suicidal thoughts and attempts etc. For me this sharing of information has not proven to help me at all. Some bipolars fell that they may need the support of their family or close friends but think before you do. Is this beneficial or will this cause more stress on you trying to explain your symptoms and how you feel to someone who really has no idea of how you feel or what your symptoms mean.

Times when I need comforting or for someone to step in when my financial affairs are a disaster are not received with the help that I need and having someone to talk to just creates more intense moodswings. Moodswings sometimes seem so normal that people often blow them off as normal feels especially hypomania and mild depression but we know how they can become worse without medical intervention. Sometimes we a placed in hospitals only because our changes in mood frightens and are misunderstood or we are judged by past episodes.

I have been told I think you just do not need more sleep because you age getting older or you knew that it was coming just go with the flow. These comments and/or advice do not help me in any way.

So now I watch what I say when I say it. But my family did help me in one when and I am grateful my brother kept track of my emails and saw the pattern that my moodswings have taken so I know what and when to expect the depression and mania so that is a plus. But to share how and why I go through changes in my mood no I will not share again.

My Life; a Moment In Time

Life is strange I seem to have passed this way before, not that I regret it but often wonder why all the cycles that surround me. Lately I have been doing needlepoint. This needlepoint visited me in the past and for some reason I let it go. But in the past year I have been doing it again sometimes with my mania overdoing it. Now I am doing counted needlepoint and find that I am better than I was which I think is a sign of growth. Where will my moment in life take me next? I am sure it will be something in the past only better. Here is a small sample of my work not the best not the worst. There is always room for improvement.These were done on blank canvas with out a pattern which I find to be not bad at all.  Judge for yourself.

Love to Hate

Spirals of Life bywena

Could Life Get Any Stranger

Very odd I just had a doctor's appointment on Thursday and the nurse practitioner said that she would consult the psychiatrist to see if this med Topamax would be helpful for me in conjunction with the other 2 I take.  I do not believe in loading up on drugs been there took about 10 all together with little helpful results. I really do not want to add any more drugs but I went through my google alerts and this article popped up. Could this be an answer An answer for my problems that I have just been too blinded to see while researching for these blogs. I do not really know and will read it over again and then decide for myself if this can end the chaos that is my life.

I am a little hopeful but also a little afraid that I will be catapulted into a major manic high or crash into another deep depression and destroy all that I have accomplished in the past 4 to 5 years. But what if? It is now at a maybe so maybe not stage but I think I will try a lot is at stack but it never hurts to try or so they say a mistake is just a long way around to finding the right answer.
Here is the article link

http://helpingmeds.com/


Could life be any stranger?

Must the Past Be the Future

Empathy for those with a bipolar disorder is lacking in the general public. 

In order to understand the emotions, hallucinations and delusions

 that plague some of us begins with the attempt to delve 

into your own experiences and to try to feel how it actually feels 

to fear for your state of mind and the devastating shifts in actions and

 emotions.

We cease to be comical at some point in the mania and

 become a burden when the depression brings on physical 

debilitating symptoms and the feelings of dread.

Understanding what the disorder is called is only one part of

 being supportive of a person with a mood disorder. Sometimes it

 is a mild case but there those who experience hallucinations and

 delusions with paranoia. When our thoughts become unbearable 

for us it is also for others to see that it is only a symptom for a 

disorder and not the reality for them as it is to us.

I have had terrible thoughts and actions during a manic high and 

also depressive episodes  and would not wish them on anyone 

even in anger but there are also the times when I stun others 

and myself with the gift that I have for doing the unexpected 

and have an unusual knowledge of things for which I have

 never been trained for.

Life for me is a never ending story of triumphs and despair 

but I continue to try to understand me and those like me a vow

 that I made when I was first diagnosed.

Over the years I can see a pattern to my episodes and am currently trying to 

change the pattern so that I can continue to function on the level 

that I want It is not easy as most of you know but I think it can be done

 while I struggle these blogs are actually therapy for me and I recommend

 starting a blog to anyone with a mental disorder

I try to bring knowledge but now am trying to share experiences

 with others and hope that I am not too boring for others to read.

I am currently trying to do more research into mental disorders 

and the issues that surround them so to fill in the gaps which are caused 

by my moodswings I am writing this way. Looking back can sometimes

 help you to look forward .into the future which should not always be the past. 

Looking for Inspiration

Was just looking through some of my old blogs trying to find something to write about and to try and get back into my other blogs. I found some interesting posts which may possibly help other with some of the same symptoms. Most of you fellow bipolars probably can relate to this information. I am experimenting with different setups in the format of these blogposts. If it is too difficult to read let me know I am just floundering in the waters of an auther.

Circadian rhythm is a person's biological clock.  It regulates various biological processes on a 24 hour schedule.  The most prominent of circadian rhythms are the sleep-wake cycle; temperature system and endrocrine system.

When there is a disturbance in a person's circadian rhythm specifically the sleep-wake system it is called a disorder.  There are 2 types of sleep-wake disorders Transient disorder and chronic disorders. Transient is when the biological clock malfunctions due to Jet lag; a change in work or social tasks or an illness.  Chronic disorders can be categorized as Delayed sleep phase, it is a persistent inability to fall asleep or awake at acceptable times.  Individuals may fall asleep late in the early morning hours or wake up late in late morning hours or early afternoon.  Once asleep these persons with this disorder are able to maintain sleep and have a total normal sleep time.

Advanced sleep phase is a persistent early evening sleep time and an early morning wake up time.  Advanced sleep phase is less common than Delayed sleep phase and is most often see in the elderly and depressed people.

Treatment for Circadian Rhythm sleep disorder consists of Behavior therapy where the person is taught to avoid naps, caffeine, and other stimulants and to avoid using the bed for anything other than sleep.  Light therapy is used to advance or delay sleep.  Medications as a short term therapy have been effective. Any sort of disruptive sleep patterns should be consulted with a doctor.

Chronic sleep disturbances can be harmful both physically and mentally.

Pressure of Speech

Pressure of speech is an unusual occurrence that is seen in Bipolar disorder it is an intensified speed of conversation.  When a person with pressure of speech talks it is much faster than what is considered normal or ordinary.

Pressure of speech may be severe enough that the person may not be understandable and reasonable logic seems to be absent.

A person who is experiencing pressure of speech has a pressing need to discuss an idea, or just to talk.

The person may feel frustrated or irritated by other people's inability to follow their stream of talking and the inability of others to comprehend what they are saying. It is difficult to interrupt an individual who experiences pressure of speech. When it is a symptom of mania, the person may appear to be anxious, enthusiastic, and speak with insistently.

When the person also has flight of ideas and racing thoughts, their conversation reflects a flood of ideas, which seems to be unrelated to the subject of the conversation.

The person also may rhyme words or use words that sound similar. The person may play with words and jump from subject to subject seemingly never completely finishing a thought.

The person with pressure of speech often feels that what they talk about is of great importance. The person may talk at times when it is inappropriate; a student may interrupt the teacher in class to discuss different ideas. T the workplace the person may interrupt the work of their coworkers to talk about happenings of the day. The person with pressure of speech may talk incessantly in meetings. This results in disrupted schedules, and decreased productivity of coworkers and themselves.

When pressure of speech is unrecognized as a symptom of a mental disorder the person may be fired or forced to seek medical help.  With medications this symptom can be alleviated and if treatment starts soon enough the person can resume their normal lives. 

Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that a person repeatedly a person can not control. A person with intrusive thoughts who is unable to get them out of his or her mind should seek the help of a doctor. Unless the causes of intrusive thoughts they can cause emotional, mental, and physical stress.

Racing thoughts are thoughts go very quickly through a person’s mind. Racing thoughts usually coexist with flight of ideas.

In flight of ideas, the subjects of which the person is thinking about change very quickly. A person with this Bipolar symptom will change the topic of conversation frequently.

Racing thoughts and flight of ideas can leave the person exhausted and overwhelmed and burnout. The inability to fall asleep can result in feelings of frustration and irritability.

A person with this type of thinking may be highly distracted and change the subject of the conversation constantly. Pressured speech is common. They are unable to talk fast enough to keep up with their thoughts and ideas. The person can feel their thoughts are going very fast, feeling uncomfortable and annoyed by their incessant thinking.

Racing thoughts can cause insomnia. It is difficult to fully interact with other people in their environment when the activity in one’s mind draws attention from what is happening externally.  Their attention shifts constantly and the person begin work different projects without finishing the ones started.

 People with Bipolar mania state that it is beyond their control and their thoughts are unable to slow down. This presents many problems such as interference in sleeping and eating habits which can lead to physical exhaustion and other medical problems

With My Hypomanic Self

How odd I was trying to have more self empowerment and keep tack of my moodswings and watch for any signs of an episode, Life seemed to be so calming and regulated. I watched for the moon's movements and cycles since I found out that my episodes seemed to travel along with the cycles of the moon. What did I expect the knowledge of phases would help me to prevent the inevitable. So when the obsession with music happened again I am putting 32 gbs of music on my mp3 player from cds that I burnt last year. Also I have an interest in languages again so I suppose I will spend hours with hypergraphia and study night and day in my hypomanic self.

Life does seem to be a constant circle for me as it is with other bipolars especially those who's disorder seems to refuses to be stable. This is an endless journey through life one which I hoped to have left behind me but I see the signs of a major manic episode.

To tell the truth I am not too disappointed these highs seem to help me to deal with my life which seem odd but there it is. It is what it is and that is the end of the story.

A Little Humor in Life

I was having a good day so I just started looking at videos online This one is 2 funny I had to share it And this place is one of the best places to share I hope that the bipolar community can see the funny side of life sometimes and not dwell on the bad feelings that we have. If I can enjoy a day of fun I will not forget the lows but the memories of this day will ease the pain a little.


http://video.us.msn.com/watch/video/squirrel-fails-trying-to-run-away/31np4ytrl?ogvars=bWt0PWVuLXVzJmZyPWZhY2Vib29rLWxpa2Utc2VuZCZhcD10cnVl&from=en-us_fblike

How a Person with Bipolar Thinks | Bipolar Burble Blog | Natasha Tracy

An interesting article on a website that I found while browsing Different opinion and thoughts about bipolar disorder Do not know if I agree with it but found it interesting



How a Person with Bipolar Thinks | Bipolar Burble Blog | Natasha Tracy

Do the majority or minority feel that they wish they were not Bipolar and why How many feel happy being bipolar and why

This is a question that I asked people on a online group and the answers that I received A mixed reaction from fellow bipolars.

Do the majority or minority feel that they wish they were not Bipolar and why How many feel happy being bipolar and why

I enjoy the highs and lows, I'm the most productive while in them.<br />
Depressed:I'm very creative and "deep" so to speak<br />
and with the mania, I get alot accomplished, I'm not shy, and I tend to make alot of friends, as well as make fun/funny memories that last forever!

Our ability to draw people to us is what a Professor once told me I am a magnet Another person said I am always laughing and smiling people like that so they want to be around me But the oppisite happens when depressed and no on can ever understand it but a Bipolar I am Bipolar 1 which is the only part that I could give up too disjointed and difficult thoughts But it is the way it is

Me 46-50Feb 5, 2012

I have bipolar I but I have an annual cycle. So I don't experience day to day effects. In February- March I go bannanas. (aka right now) so I don't have a difficult dose of bipolar. Right now I have to take alot of meds to be stable though. It is extremely difficult, but it has given me many gifts. There's something about the intensity of the disorder (even when medicated) that makes life so much more complex and intricate. <br />
<br />
I ask the question; Why? ... so much more than other people, and I'm not that afraid of emotional pain because right now even medicated I experience so much... torment... just trying to control myself. I think I question reality on a deep level because I experience this. A person can study it but to live it is another thing entirely... you can read about it. or you can spend those weeks crying in your bed for no reason, angry... with 1001 reasons flying through your mind at light year speed. You go through alot of pain you have to deal with yourself. It makes a person extremely dynamic. If they choose to be strong. <br />
<br />
So I am content with it. being myself and such.

I totally agree with you and the other comments Beging bipolar even though it is up to us to choose iot We can choose to live with it and accomplish as much as we can Which most of the time is a great deal thanks

Me 46-50Feb 5, 2012

1 

It sucks like a ho on free cheese day.

I'm indifferent to it.

Honestly it's tough but I wouldn't have it any other way. After all this is me and what I'm used to. I've accepted it and don't let it get me down. Like most say, I genuinely do like the manic/depressed roller coaster.

A lot of the times I'm in the manic state and people gravitate towards me and really like me. It helps me make friends and do things I normally would never do.

The depressed state kind of sucks. But I just keep trying to get out of bed and keepbreathing. Every time I get out of that state I learn more about what helps and what doesn't.

So all in all, I like it and wouldn't have it any other way!