Wow time has passed! In my constant uncontrolled moodswings I have not written in these blogs for so long that I have lost track of why I started them in the first place. I have been making a comeback a return once again to the life that I have always known. I have to say that I have been successful I have what they call here in this housing program Stuff I have my Austins sculptures I have appliances and some furniture. They do not like it you are allowed a bed and dresser in your room with the possible chair but you are not to have what I consider the basic necessities of life my Stuff. I have gone back to needlepoint I have credit cards again, which I do not need but there it is I am a plastic card girl so I am getting back to being me and loving every minute. I have bills I have computers I have music which to some may seem like very little but compared to have what I could carry on my back for those years in the shelter I am rich. I control the coffee I control the decisions about what and where I go when I go and how I go Life is good right about now. But lurking in the background or as the women who live with me say being on this roller coaster ride with my moodswings is the mania and depression Mainly mania which believe it or not is now under my control also at least as much as it can be. I am off of meds no fully medicated for at least a month and off of the antipsychotic for a week. It is showing I withdrew and was confined to my room for weeks because of drastic fluctuations in mood and the weather but now Spring is coming and I have started walking again my legs feel the difference but they cooperate and are getting stronger I control my eating habits and rest even when I can not sleep. I can because I am so who can say what I can or will do. The Hospital looked inviting for a while sleeping is just something that I can not do and I cannot take Klonipin or any other sedative so I just endure the pain and keep on doing what I have done all my life and it is the only way that I know how to do it live my life I may not be living the way other people do I may not do everything that others think I should do but this is the only way I know and want to live.
I have to do some research on new treatments and medications if any for me I know now that there will never be a cure but I do find relief and that is enough. I have endured pain and sorrow but life has been if not kind interesting and I have seen different sides of life and learned a lot. Tomorrow I see a new doctor mine retired another lost but I have made it to here and will continue. There are no promises that life will be easy but you take the good the bad and move on and now I have moved on I am planning my move into my own place hopefully in the next couple of years and then maybe return to school or work You never know what expect the unexpected and you will be surprised happily or unhappily but never have regrets about what you may or may not have been able to do. I continue with moodswings but the important thing is that even though they continue through life I continue to live.
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